I want to tell my parents everything but im scared what they'll do?

i want to telll my parents that i smoke pot ciggerates and cut but im so afraid what they might do to me or what might happen to them ive never been close to my parents ive always been the child who just trys to stay out of the way but i still get in there way and now i so all this i feel as if im always on my own and im afraid if i tell my parents they might throw me on some pills send me awayor do something to themselfs dont get me wrong i love my parents i dont know why though i want to tell them but im so frightend of what theyll do i dont want to hurt them but i kno if i tell them they will be hurt and i dont want them im sure theyll think im insane i dont want to talk to counciors i just want to be feel loved for once feel like im not on my own and i have no desire to stop smoking everytime i stop i start cutting i just dont know anymore the 1 person i can talk to is out of my reach my fone is turned off and i cant talk to them at school we have differnt lunches and differnt cles i cant go to there house cause lastnight i was caught drinking yeah i kno im a bad kid but im sure if i could just talk to my parents and if they were to understand me and not do anything horrible to me or them selfs i might beable to stop wanting myself dead